my cats get so excited when I feed them Fancy Feast that it makes me feel like some kind of benevolent god

I had a dream last night that I was the Doctor, and I invited Stephen Fry into my TARDIS to be my companion! 

Also I was pregnant

and had an army of tigers

so that was weird.

Studying for a psychology test 

Rose are red

Violets are blue

You activate my medial forebrain cluster

And my hypothalamus too!

I think I love food more than most people 

by which I mean

• I think I love food more than most people love food

and

• I think I love food more than I love most people

petshopgirl:

When me, Rachel, Liz and Tyler come together to chat an angel gets its wings 

ThePaisleyElf: Liz is truly the one hetero port in a storm of gayness.

A Drunken Night in the Life 

Tyler: Is there anything in particular you’d like me to play on the piano?

Me: BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCK IT EVERYWHERE

Tyler: No.

How a Long-Term Relationship Works 

Me: When do you get done with your last class?

Tyler: 5:30. Why?

Me: Wanna have sex when you get home?

Tyler: Sure.

Me: Cool.

*both of us turn back to our computers*

OUR INTERNET WAS DOWN FOR SIX HOURS 

We owed ONE DOLLAR on our bill and they SHUT IT OFF

I WAS SO LOST AND ALONE YOU GUYS I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF

IT WAS AWFUL SOMEONE PLEASE COME AND HOLD ME